Dear Diary #1

Aaminin ko, hindi ko kayang  tumayo sa sarili kong paa.
Hirap ako sa maraming bagay kaya kailangan ko madalas ng makakasama o makakatulong.

Hindi naman masam 'yun di'ba?

Hindi ko rin ipinagpipilitan yung sarili ko na tulungan ako. Nahihiya talaga ako humingi ng tulong kaso, sa totoo lang, pag humingi na 'ko ng tulong, ibig sabihin hirap na talaga ako.

Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan, bakit may mga taong paasa at yung mga plastik?

Kung gusto mong tumulong, maganda yun. Kung ayaw mo, nasa sa'yo yan. Pero wag ka nang manloloko. Sabihin mo ng maayos para hindi umaasa yung tao at nakakaisip na ng paraan para makahanap ng solusyon kesa yung umaasa ao'yo.

OO. Hindi maganda yung lagi kang umaasa pero hindi naman sa lahat ng oras kayang mag-isa ng tao kaya malaking relief yung malaman na may willing tumulong sa kanya. Not knowing na hindi pala bukal sa loob yung pagtulong at napipilitan lang dahil "friends" kayo.

Isa pang maakit e yung ang daming excuse na sasabihin. Mahahalata mo na lang kapag sa tuwing oras na ng kagipitan, lagi na silang nawawala. Yung biglang may aasikasuhing iba o  kaya may biglaang lakad.

Hello? Hindi naman ako ganun katanga. Sabihin mo lang ng ayos, okay naman yun e. Wala naman sakin yun. Kasalanan ko din naman madalas kapag may tulong akong hinihingi. Yun lang.


Sana may makabasa nito. Sana, yung mga taong gustong gusto ko nang sabihan nito. Sorry hindi ko kayang sabihin ng harapan pero alam ko ayaw niyo akong tulungan talaga. Gusto ko lang ipaalam sainyo na ramdam ko yun. Halata.

Hay.

Kunyari Palanca entry ko daw 'to.

Tagal kong hindi na-update 'tong blog na 'to. Wala naman kasing dapat ika-blog pa muna. O ayoko lang talaga? Bad vibes blog ko kasi 'to e. Kaya ang hirap i-update. Ayoko naman malungkot sa lahat ng oras. Hm. Pero ika nga, hindi naman maiiwasan, di'ba?

Sa school. Naranasan mo na ba yung hirap na hirap ka na sa pag-aaral mo?

Ako din e.

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Hirap! Hirap mag-isip ng title para sa post na 'to. Nag-uumapaw ang opinyon na gusto kong sabihin wala na 'kong panahon para mag-isip ng title.

Una sa lahat. Hindi ako maka-move on sa salitang IMMATURE.
Sino ba'ng immature? PUP? RTU?

Kung taga-PUP ka, syempre RTU ang ituturo mo tapos vice versa.

Do not judge other people's mistakes if you are doing the same thing.

Isipin mo, anong ginawa mo sa issue na 'yon? Pinagtanggol mo yung school mo 'di ba? Siniraan mo yung kabilang school kasi kaaway yun ng school mo. Sasabihan mong IMMATURE yung manglalait sa school mo kasi hindi naman totoo yung sinasabi nya. ISIPIN MO. Ikaw ba anong ginawa mo?

Yung sinasabi ng lahat na SCHOOL NG MGA SQUATTERS. Dose pesos na tuition fee. Walang aircon (pero in fairness may elevator.. haha!) Hindi kumpleto ang mga facilities. Kulang kulang ang electricfan. Maliliit ang classrooms. Maiingay ang estudyante. School ko yun. PUPian ako.

Sana hindi ako magmukhang IMMATURE sa dulo ng post na 'to pero hindi ko maiwasan ipagtanggol yung eskwelahan ko. O kahit hindi na lang yung school, yung mga estudyante na lang do'n. Na hindi naman karapatdapat masabihan ng ganung mga salita pero dahil sa PUP sila nag-aaral, no choice na. PUP ka, SQUATTER ka!

Sa totoo lang wala ako dun sa SCUAA ba yun? (liblib kasi sa CEA) So bakit ako nag-cocomment ng ganito? Kasi involved ako! Kasi PUPian ako. Yung tinatawag niyong SQUATTERS, WALANG PERA, kami yun diba? Nakakalungkot e. Pati yung pagiging Little UP daw ng PUP nasali na. EDI WAG! At hindi kami dapat umasa! Kasi kung ganun rin lang ang magiging ugali namin, wag na lang.

Hindi ko nilalahat kaya sana wag niyo rin lahatin ang sisi.

Oo. Tutol din ako dun sa pagsunog ng upuan ng mga schoolmates ko pero anong magagawa namin? Almost 50000 na estudyante ang umaasa ng maluwag na college in terms of tuition fee.

Naalala ko nag-post ako ng comment sa "No to PUP tuition fee increase" page sa facebook. Sabi ko: "Bakit kailangan magtaas kung kinaya naman na 12php dati pa?" May sumagot. Ganito yung parang sabi nya, "Bla bla bla.. Porket ba kinaya na ng ganun dati e bla bla bla ganun na din ngayon? Kung pumasa ka ba sa subject mo hindi ka ba magpupursigipa para prerequisite nito? bla bla bla" Sabi ko, "Weh!!!!" Joke. Sabi ko na lang, "Wag ka mainis. :)"

Pero sa loob loob ko, "Bakit kaya niya ni-like 'tong page, gusto nya pala ng increase. HAHAHA imba!" Pero plastic ako. Kaya yun na lang. :D

O. Kidding aside. Nagegets niyo ba 'ko? Ang gusto ko lang rin naman ipahiwatig sa comment na yun e, PUP tayo. Iskolar tayo ng bayan. Dose pesos hindi na rin biro yun. Napakaraming estudyante sa PUP pumapasok na walang baon. Walang biro. Maraming mahihirap sa PUP. Kasi dun lang ang kaya ng mga magulang. DOSE PESOS lang ang kayang ibayad ng mga mahihirap na Pilipinong gustong makapagatpos ng pag-aaral. Kaya kung may nagagalit kasi nagtaas LANG ng piso nag tution kasi WALA na talagang idadagdag! Bakit naman kami aayaw sa pagbabago? Ang sakin lang, REASONABLE CAUSE OF TUITION FEE HIKE ang hinahanap ko.

Ewan ko na kung naparating ko ba yung gusto kong iparating. Basta. Wala akong sinabi anything about RTU kasi wala akong kinalaman sa school na yun. Bahala sila. Ako, taga-PUP kaya kung ano mang nangyari dun sa gym san matapos na. Kasi lahat ng sisi sa school niyo pa rin mapupunta.

Sabihan mong walang utak yung iba. Sabihan mong pulubi yung iba.
Bakit sa'n ka ba nag-aaral? Saan mo napulot yang ugaling ganyan?

You sit in front of the PC doing the thing you insanely hate - AutoCAD. Good thing there's SKY SAILING. Whew.

I don’t think I have to finish this plan already but some of my classmates already finished theirs so I need to atleast have something to show to my professor. Gaaaah! AutoCAD is a nightmare! Can i do this cross-sectional plan of the house at PhotoShop?!!!  Thanks to Sky Sailing I can daydream while dealing with this nightmare. Oh what?? Screw Engineering!!! >.<

Sorry, I cannot make you a paper crane

There’s this boy who seldom talks. You see him smile a bit then after a while stay blank again.

There’s this girl whose smile is irresistible. She talks softly but a lot, a beautiful voice she has.

Countless nights of reverie are shared by them. He tells stories about things while she cites song lyrics and poem lines. Such a beautiful friendship is made as they go together often. Girl folds a paper heart gives it to him and happily boy kept it and wore in his sleeves.

                We already know about the I-like-you-you-like-him story or the I-love-him-he-loves-girl-girl-doesn’t cycle and as of me, I’m tired of those. I used to have crushes who don’t notice me during high school days and they were not even cute guys! Maybe it’s bizarre but I always catch myself blushing whenever I got to sit next to any of them. Anyway, it’s normal for teenage girls. Those are our teenage dreams, yo!

                But it’s just now that got such empathy in the same old mediocre story. And however I try to erase it in my mind, it’s already there. Trapped. The story-that-must-not-be-told is circling around my head for a couple of months already. I can tolerate the weight it brings in my head but the emotions; they’re just so hard to carry. So I hope nobody would mind if I write it down.

                Difficult situations tend to overpower the happy ones in my friend’s past few days and I can say we became close because of that.

                BUT I WAS WRONG. I now discovered that I’m just one of the types he always tells stories upon who’re gullible enough to believe in him. I hate myself for believing that we are already friends when in fact, other people talk about non-sense in my back and those include him.

                It is indeed depressing to know that the person you consider as your TRUE friend is just one of the persons you’ve been always afraid of dealing with – fakes.

I’ve been always the shy kind of girl, I shout, yes, but I talk so rarely to a lot of persons. I’m not anti-social though. I’m just afraid to talk. Of being talked about. And finding friends is like finding gold in the midst of different shining stones to me. I treasure my friends so much. When they ignore me, I cry a lot. And a lot more when I find out that they don’t consider me as their friend. I don’t know why this night was so stressful when I in fact don’t have anything to get stressed about. But honestly, I am bothered by what happened at school this afternoon. Somebody told me something. Something that I cannot get out of my head just that quickly. I know I should not take that seriously but I can’t contain it. Maybe this is the upshot of being afraid of people so much. You tend to get paranoid about people talking about you.

Before anything else, I want to clarify that I don’t give a damn about love when my academic status is on the edge of falling apart. I have no right to care about other people when I cannot even solve a simple Surveying problem. So please have mercy, stop linking me with anybody. I’m not that kind of girl! L

You don’t know how much trauma I get whenever I get aware that people are judging me based on the people I always text or incidentally shared a ride with. Please. I’m only trying to make friends!

At this part let me tell “you” this:

None of us would’ve thought that I’ll be doing such familiar thing to you. But hey, this is about me too. There are two things I want you to know, I treasured your stories but I never thought that being kind to you and acting as a shoulder that you can rely on (even if you are not there when I’m in need) mean I have to experience this kind of prejudice. I’m like this because I really hate being treated that way so if ever I said things that aren’t true to your perspective and before I say any more offending things to you, please accept my apology. I too was offended.

                There’s this boy who seldom talks. You see him smile a bit then after a while stay blank again. And I thought I knew him well.